Baby shower etiquette

Baby shower etiquette generates more anxious searching than it deserves. The honest summary is that most of the old rules have relaxed, and the remaining ones are simply kindness with a structure. Here are the questions people actually ask, answered plainly.

Who hosts, and can you host your own?

Traditionally a close friend or female relative hosts, and that remains the most common arrangement. Hosting your own shower, once considered poor form, is now entirely normal in the UK, particularly when the parents want a specific venue or a mixed guest list. If someone offers to host, accept gracefully and agree the budget split early; if nobody offers and you would like a shower, organise one without a second thought.

When should invitations go out?

Four to six weeks before the day, with an RSVP date around two weeks out. Digital invitations are completely acceptable. Include the venue address and parking notes, the timing, any theme or dress suggestion, and registry details if there is one. For choosing the date itself, between 28 and 34 weeks of pregnancy is the usual window; our planning guide covers this in detail.

Are men and partners invited?

Entirely up to the parents. Women-only showers remain popular, and mixed showers with partners, friends and family of all kinds are now just as common. State it clearly on the invitation either way so nobody has to ask.

Gifts and registries

A registry is helpful, not grasping; it saves guests guesswork and the parents duplicates. Share it on the invitation with light wording such as "if you would like gift ideas, there is a list at the link below". Guests typically spend £15 to £40, more for close family, and a thoughtful small gift always outranks an expensive obligation. Group gifts for bigger items are increasingly common and well-received. And a guest who brings no gift owes no apology; their company is the point.

Should gifts be opened on the day?

Either is fine. Opening gifts in front of guests is the tradition and some groups love it; many parents now prefer to open them at home and send thanks afterwards, which keeps a larger shower moving. If opening on the day, have someone note who gave what for the thank-you notes.

Second babies and sprinkles

A shower for a second or third baby is perfectly proper. Many families opt for a "sprinkle": a smaller, lighter gathering with modest gifts, often nappies, books and a few new outfits rather than the full kit. The etiquette is the same, just scaled down.

Thank-you notes

Send them within two to three weeks of the shower, mentioning the specific gift. A handwritten card is lovely; a personal message is fine. A generic group thank-you in the WhatsApp chat is the one corner not worth cutting.

Etiquette for guests

• RSVP promptly, and do not bring uninvited plus-ones or children without asking
• Follow the registry if there is one, or pair a practical gift with a small personal one
• Let the parent-to-be hold the spotlight; save birth stories with dramatic endings for another day
• Offer to help clear up; the host will remember it